Socially inadequate? Worried that, come springtime, the occasional appearance of the sun might trigger long-buried 'getting together' instincts in friends and relations?
Terrified that they might demand to see you and, even worse, require food, drink, conversation?
Neurotic about the possibility of being forced to lend them valuable DIY equipment or, even worse, being asked to help out?
Your worries are over. Because with Freecycle's bumper crop of seasonal freebies, it's a virtual certainty that you need never be bothered by other people ever again:
Begin by solving communications difficulties at a stroke by trying not to talk to people. This 'top of the range mobile phone battery' is bound to make life easier as it doesn't hold a charge, making silence a round the clock everyday communication option once again.
And if people do get through and ask for DIY help, Freecycle has just the backup you'll need. Choose from the '3 step aluminium ladder - very useful round the house. Bottom rung must not be stood on,' and just watch the faces of elderly or infirm relations as they work this one out for themselves. Then there's what we call procastination in a box - a 'non-working Black and Decker Firestorm drill.' - perfect for those jobs you know you'll never get round to. Even better, why not get both.
And if, despite all your efforts, unwanted guests do turn up at your door, there's only one thing to do. March them out into the garden during a heavy spring shower and sit them under your special, no expense incurred, Teak garden umbrella frame & iron base.' As it's 'sadly missing all its fabric' there's no question that they'll soon get the message.
Enjoy!!!
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10 comments:
These are my favorite posts, freecycle, lol! I suspect my ex neighbours donated that teak garden furniture!
These people are just too lazy to go to the rubbish tip - why don't they just admit it?
I do like the ones who donate stained underpants, though - that appeals to my warped sense of erm...humour?
Mya x
Have you been to our house? I'm sure my hubby has those tools already...
Thanks for the cream for the tagged behind. It worked. Did you get your award at mine?
Hee hee heee.
I don't have to put anyone off communicating with me - they just don't do it anyway...sob. Any ideas of the opposite effect?????
You've visited my mother in law, then?
You could refuse to buy any garden furniture at all for your little inhospitable patio that smells of cat poo from your three cats and then invite whoever into your humble apartment where dog hair will cling to any attractive outfit they wear, except for blue jeans, and serve them cheap carton wine in mismatched wine glasses and point out the smoke yellowed wallpaper in the corners of the living room and remark on how the place really needs to be painted well, if only you had enough friends who were handy and then watch your guests suddenly remember appointments and vacations they suddenly have to go on, and no, they don't own a stepladder either, so sorry!
Omega Mum, I have 2 awards for you over at my place.
excellent. i am trying to get rid of a sand pit (no sand, obviously); 4 child coats (broken zips); 100 coathangers (bent); crockery (chipped) and all the cuddly unicorns (chewed, torn, hairless, crippled). OK, the last one is a threat, and i probably wouldn't do it because i couldn't bear the screaming.
i am nicking you from someone else's blogroll and adding you to mine ;)
Very good advice.
How do I advertise our handmade wooden picnic table with bench seats that was sadly smashed to pieces by a furious trampoline in wild Welsh storm?
I freecycle too, or rather I get my inbox overstuffed with offers of the kind of great things you describe. I get so many I cant read them so delete the lot. This occupies me for a good half hour a day. One day I will work out how to offer my own rubbish.
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