"Honestly, it's getting worse," says Vicky. "Look at this magazine."
She thrusts it across the table at me, open at the fashion pages. I leaf through them.
"Nope," I say. "Can't find anything out of the ordinary."
"Just read the headings. Slowly," says Vicky.
"'How to make the latest looks work at any age'," I read, out loud. "20s, 30s, 40s -"
"Exactly. That's it. That's what I mean. It's age apartheid. Look at the pictures that go with it."
As I concentrate a little more closely, I begin to see what she means. Each spread is lavishly illustrated with photographs of luscious models. At least, that's the theory. Because, come the relentless march of advancing years, it gets harder to make out the women. As the decades tick pass, the flesh on show declines and the clothes take over.
Check out the double page spread on clothes for 20 to 30 year olds and there are body parts on show, and then some. It's a skinorama special.
Hit the section on 30s to 40s and while, at first glance, it all looks very much the same, close inspection reveals that knees and elbows are conspicous by their absence. The volume of material used in the outfits mounts like a rising tide. Cleavages are suggested but never seen. Uncompromising sun-kissed backgrounds fade into crepuscular gloom. There's so much vaseline on the lens you could annoint the bottoms of a thousand infants.
And, as for 40s to 50s -
"- I haven't dared turn the page," says Vicky. "It's the future, Spock, and horribly as we know it. Go on - you look at it. It wouldn't surprise me if all the models are wearing Millett's family size tents with optional groundsheet accessories."
I take a quick look, then close the magazine again, wincing.
"Look on the bright side," I say. "Remember Millett's teamed up with Cath Kidston? At least you can look sweetly floral while being completely rain-free, as long as you spray yourself with waterproof coating once a year."
"Yeah, right," says Vicky. "Play my cards right and I'll probably find they've included a hook for a hurricane lamp just below my right tit."
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6 comments:
I have been lurking since your come back, but felt I had to comment, because I am 53 years old and refuse to believe that they use real 50 year olds for 50 year old women in ads.
I think they lie and cheat all around and when there is an add for a menopausal product, they show a 35 year old model who never heard of the words raging hormones.
It is terrible how embarrassed we are made to be felt at this age. I don't give a hoot and refuse to read those magazines. I just happen to run across them in waiting rooms and I have no idea what they are doing there. They must be someone's idea of a very bad joke for people with very simple minds.
Oh my god, thank goodness you're back, I have missed you soooo much. Sorry, I'm gushing. I'm just back from holidays and it's so wonderful to have you back.
I am still working on my new fantasy publication for the more mature woman - Hag, with cover mounted gin miniatures.
I think i am beyond waterproof coating!!
Wherefore art thou, Omega Mum?
My daughter gets married next year, and says she will shop for my outfit with me. Is she trying to tell me something (like "no wellies, mum"). Luckily, she works in a clothes shop and gets staff discount!
Irene: I am so happy you're here. I, too, am convinced by your theory. Fancy starting a mag called 'raging hormones' that features cross women in tents? We may have a captive market.
PS I am still here. But not very efficiently.
jaywalker: You're lovely. Thank you. Sorry still a bit sporadic.
casdok: There'll be a stunning little outfit for you somewhere.
farmingfrenchstyle: I suspect it's all about control. There's probably some deep psychological message there, but personally, I wouldn't depress myself finding out what it was.
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