Present:
Friend’s mother, Friend 1 Friend 2 Friend 3, dog 1
Omega Mum Deborah, Leo, Deborah, dog 2.
10.30 am. Half way round the first pond, realise that Leo has lost his school mac, after being warned, repeatedly, not to wear it draped loosely round his shoulders. When asked to go and find it, he shouts ‘No! I don’t care!’ He is threatened with death.
Beth and Friend 1 offer to go back with Leo. They eventually find the mac nice and close to the large, rotting fish they all spent some time admiring.
1035 (all timings noted are approximate and in no way convey the sense of almost unendurable tedium which frequently overtake the proceedings).
Deborah and Friend 2 have been kicking up the water in a large, muddy puddle. Friend two’s shorts are soaked. Deborah’s shorts are soaked and mud-spattered. So are their gumboots. But whereas Friend 2 keeps his boots and shorts on, Deborah removes hers and starts dancing through the puddles in bare feet, giggling.
Beth agrees to sort this out by whatever means necessary and only if she receives a large bribe (nature and timing to be confirmed). Her solution is to dunk Deborah in the pond.
10.40 Biscuits and breadsticks are served.
10.50 Friend 3 has gashed her knee and decides that she would rather not walk. She demands to be carried. Friends’ mother tries to lift her but feels that her back might give way. Friend 3 is offered a sweet if she’ll walk, but says no. Deborah gamely attempts to remove the rest of her clothes.
10.55. Rain starts falling. We are now at the furthest point from the car park. Negotiations continue.
11.00. Friend 3 has had a sweet but is still not keen on walking. She is carried while Beth gives Deborah a piggy back. The rain stops.
11.30-ish. The children ask to go to the playground. “No,” say the mothers.
11.35 The cars have never looked lovelier. Leo cries because he wants to go in with friends’ mother. Friend 2 sits in the Omega Mum car and quietly reads a book about trains before incorporating it as the weight in an elaborate pulley arrangement which also includes the Gameboy cable with the coat hanger above the door as the fulcrum (?).
12.00. Home. Lunch. Peace and harmony.
Ends.
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10 comments:
Ah! Walks with the younger folks.
I remember one such: walk in Sherwood Forest, small person asks to be carried. I pick up said person. Fast forward a few minutes - there is unpleasant aroma. On searching, we find dog poo all over small person's boots, all up small person's leggings, smeared all over my jumper and inside my coat.
Them were the days. Sadly small person is now large teenage person and cannot be carried.
I can just sense your sadness, mid-lifer. Borrow one of mine any time you like.
Half-term walks are always so relaxing aren't they?!!
Today we went for a half-term walk in Sherwood Forest. My 4 year old screamed because she did not want to go, then she screamed because she did not want to leave, then she saw a chocolate vending machine and screamed because I would not let her have one, then she started demanding chips etc...
Never ever go to the park again with children. They are true horrors and don't deserve to go. They have no appreciation of the great outdoors with their clothes on and kept clean. Nest time, lock them up in the car and have a good walk around by yourself, those little buggers!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa! Were you with us that day then or do our lives just mirror each other?
"Dog" seems remarkably well behaved amongst all this chaos....?
That's a scenario I recognise well OM!
But at least you can be grateful that no duck got murdered in the process. As one did in the book (and film) "About a Boy".... when the boy threw a chunk of his mother's home-made bread, and killed the poor duck stone dead.
I always have that anxiously in mind when out feeding ducks with the grandchildren these days.......
When not avoiding seagull dive-bombs, or pecks on the backside from impatient Canada geese, that is.
No, a walk in the park is definitely not all that it's cracked up to be these days!
Ingenious Rose: I feel tired reading that - and haven't set foot outside the door yet.
Sweeet I: I think there's an alternative parenting manual there.
DJ: So it was you, was it?
Debio: Dog 1 and 2 normally disgrace themselves but in contrast to children were models of good behaviour
IB: And they complain that none of us takes enough exercise....Is it any wonder?
Dear Omega Mum, my two are greying around the gills such has been the lack of outdoor escapades this half term (engendered by a virulent strain of near death by marking and curriculum planning).
Suitably inspired, it's down tools in search of rotting fish and relatives of those persistent slugs.
Hi, Dulwich Teacher. Welcome to the blog. Have been over to take a quick look at yours but will so properly - sounds like you have worse frustrations to deal with than I do.
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