Imagine a country where 20% of people have had to turn down dental treatment because they can't afford the cost.
Imagine a country where 6% of that 20% have resorted to treating themselves. And we're not talking about slapping on the Bonjela or swilling out twice a day with salt and hot water. We're talking about applying home-prepared fillings - and even DIY tooth-pulling with pliers.
Then welcome home, chaps (at least, those of you fortunate enough to live where I live). Because that country is England, home of milk, honey - and a million rotten teeth.
But there's good news. Gordon Brown, says the news today, is going to be 'turning his attention to dentistry.'
So if the man in the white coat and face mask starts talking about being a son of the manse while popping your pliers in the autoclave to scrub off at least the top layer of MRSA, never fear. Gordie is here.
At least the makers of 'Marathon Man' must be laughing, and you can bet they won't covering their mouths with their hands to hide the holes when they do. I predict that copies of the film will fly off the shelves as it becomes required viewing for the nation's L-plate amateur dentists as they hone their skills.
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14 comments:
My gran lived in the days when you had 'em all whipped out the moment one of 'em showed signs of trouble. It was cheaper that way. She had a full set of falsies in a cup every night from her forties.
I predict a return to those days, judging by the cost of having a dentist look at your kids' teeth and say
"They're fine" once a year.
It's no better here - dentistry isn't covered by health insurance but my dentist is really, really yum, so I do feel I get value for money (sort of). And my teeth are pretty robust.
I know people who get their teeth done in Hungary. Even if you factor in the price of the flight and hotel it's cheaper.
Beta Mum: The way things are going, I'll be putting mine in a cup, too, and apologising to the Tooth Fairy for all the times I said she didn't exist then putting them under my pillow in the hope of finding the money towards a bridge in the morning.
Orchidea: I've heard about Hungary - land of dentists - too. But one friend who tried it said there were a few problems when things went wrong and she had to nip on a plane to get them sorted out....
Oh to be a dentist. Wouldn't mind their salaries though!
Crystal xx
For effective tooth extraction I swear (quite loudly,actually) by the old piece of cotton wrapped around the door handle, then slamming the door trick. If that fails I pick a fight with someone bigger than me. French teeth are even worse than British teeth, all the fags, coffee and wine stain them deep beige...and that's just the children.
Mya x
CJ: That sounded like the start of a poem:
'Oh to be a dentist
Now that autumn's here
Their perfect teeth
Lurk underneath
A grin from ear to ear'
Mya: Do they learn the expressive shrugs in school, too? Given that we won't be able to articulate properly with just our bare gums to mumble with, I think they should come over and teach us the language of sneer (or is that Parisian society only?).
I suspect my (private) dentist of persuading me to have fillings I don't need. He wears cowboy boots and gold chains and is always asking me for investment tips (I am a financial journalist by day).
The NHS one could never give me an appointment and I lost my rag at her receptionist when she tried to charge me for missing an appointment because I was in hospital busy having a miscarriage. The 'system' is a mess and needs proper reform.
Oh the government is 'turning their attention to dentistry' now are they? Well thats a relief 'cos look at all the 'good' they did when they focused on sorting the NHS problems out! What a relief...(makes me damn glad I have already switched to private dentistry)!
I hear dentistry is better and cheaper in India these days.
Or even China...
M@L: He sounds truly terrible - but what a blessing he advertises his cowboy status so openly. There's got to be some sort of Ernie - and he did the fastest fillings in the West parody here. And do you think all the gold comes from the old fillings he unecessarily replaces? The mind boggles
DJ: What will they think of turning their attention to next?
IB: Right, that's it, I'm off then. They give us the Terracotta Army - I give them my upper canines.
Azerbaijan (sp?) is thought to be pretty good these days too.
And just that bit nearer of course... (I think)
I'm sure Ra has an NHS dentist, mind you. AND knows all the little tax wheezes to dodge Gordon (sorry, I still think of him as Chancellor). The two accomplishments always seem to exist hand-in-hand, don't you find?
That is to say "The rich are different", as F. Scott Fitzgerald might have said. To which his friend Hemingway would have replied "Yes, they find cheaper dentists."
If I could only find someone more scrupulous, I'd leave Cowboy Dave and his ill-gotten gold in a flash. As things stand, fear my only response must be to slap my side and mutter: "Yee-hah, saddle up!" or similar.
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