"We've got to get to grips with your homework, Leo," I say, driving him home after collecting him from his school trip. His eyes swivel away from mine in the vain hope that, just on the edges of his peripheral vision, somebody is holding a giant placard with the perfect, unarguable excuse painted on it in big, red letters.
"What homework?" he says.
"The RE homework. Two weeks running. It didn't get done, did it? Do you remember now?"
More swivelling. Still no placard.
"I remember some of it," he says cautiously, as his eyes swivel again. This time they clearly lock on to a giant sign reading, "Things are getting nasty. Divert her with some good news. Quickly."
"Hey, Mum. Guess what happened on the coach?"
"You lost your packed lunch, your clipboard, the questionnaire, the emergency money, your ...."
"No. Well, I did lose the fun quiz, but so did George, except I didn't get into trouble and he did."
He hurries on quickly.
"We were just mucking around on the coach and the girls started asking the boys out and then Zoe asked George out and Lydia asked me out. And I said 'yes'."
"So, you're not gay, then?"
Leo snorts. "Gay? I like fighting boys, that's all."
Visions of some sympathetic, artistic man who I can confide in vanish in a puff of smoke.
But who cares. My son has a girlfriend. My son, the problem boy has a nice, attractive girl who has ASKED HIM OUT. (Boys with any sense know who wears the hunter gatherer trousers in these post-ironic, post-feminist, post-dated times).
Is it too early to call and ask what we can contribute to the wedding, or if she'd care to sign a non-binding pre-nup guaranteeing a long term relationship with no comebacks if he fidgets in bed?
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So sorry to hear that Leo is not gay ... but chin up ole' girl, traditionally speaking, the bride's family has to pick up most of the wedding tab. So make sure to request very expensive wine for the reception :)
Good on him. That'll get his eyes swivelling!
I'm off to buy a virtual hat! Shame you won't have an artistic, sensitive chap to confide in though...what about the vicar?
Hang in there OM!
Mya x
Kids are amazing at changing the subject don't you think.
Re your previous post, I just thought writing a letter to you and sending it via your son sounded very formal. I much prefer to informal approach like a phone call and someone putting my mind at rest from the start. Hope you are okay.
Crystal xx
You might want to hold back a little OM - say until after the weekend, at least. But after that, go for it!
Molly Gras: It was devastating. But there again, if he had been I bet he wouldn't have gone for the sensitive type anyway. Like the wedding ploy. Will get working on the invitations.
SAHD: Or his jaw dropping
Mya: Please do. Consider yourself a guest of honour
CJ: His school seems to believe in sledgehammer/nut type approaches. I agree with you totally.
Potty Mummy: That may imply a level of restraint that I just can't manage, but I'll try.....
I aksed my son what homework he had this weekend, this on a Fri night as he walks in the front door. "Done it," he says, with a satisfied look on his face.
Yet I have had school letters saying how they are getting strict on homework, yet how does my son manage to complete a whole weekend's homework before the weekend has even started?
Oh my, OM! I'm thrilled for Leo, really I am - but I can't help thinking of the years and positively years of this sort of thing you're going to have to endure before The One comes along! So many lovely potential daughters will come and go, and they will all 'court' you for a while (girlfriends do that, I find). Until they have been (ever so nicely) dumped in favour of the next one - and you find yourself summarily dumped too!
I have weathered this sort of thing for years and years - and am STILL waiting for The One(s)!
I musn't spoil your first little moment of maternal delight though! It must feel sweet indeed, so hold on to it, and enjoy...
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! Wish someone would ask our oldest two out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ellee: Either he's gifted or a gifted liar. At least you're not sure which one yet...
IB: I intend to enjoy it for the brief time they're together - in reality, I can't see it lasting much beyond the weekend, especially when I circulate the list of her duties, beginning with getting his homework done.
DJ: Glad you liked it.
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