The council has decided to accessorise the flood warnings with roadworks, which appear in matching sets just where you're least expecting them.
"They're such teases," I snarl, gaily, to Leo and Beth as I accelerate madly away from the large, decorative hole that straddles two lanes, serving no purpose except as a visual illustration of the futility of escape, and round a corner to where the back of the next traffic jam is lying in wait for me.
There's nothing quite like an early morning queue of January New Year's resolution breaking commuters, whose joy at having failed to stop eating, drinking, smoking or texting giblet pictures is matched only by the thrill of being hermetically sealed from but in close proximity to hundreds of other people just like them.
As they attempt to latch their front bumpers on to the numberplate of the car in front, the better to rebuff all attempts by other drivers to turn on to the stretch of road they've grown to love as their own during the three hours they've been stuck in it, it's awe-inspiring to be part of humanity and to see just where thousands of years of evolution have led.
"Remind me to disembowel myself with a tuning fork before I ever get talked into giving you another lift to the bus stop," I smile, epithets trailing like fairy dust and rising up to join the exhaust fumes whose carcinogenic particles shimmer almost magically in a brief patch of early morning sun.
But I can console myself with one happy thought. Unlike everyone else, my New Year's resolution was to ensure that I stayed the same cantankerous, cross, rushed, foul-mouthed harridan I've always been.
And I'm delighted to say that I've kept it, without fail, ever since January 1st.
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8 comments:
Glad to hear it!! :)
Good for you!
(Love this blog)!
texting giblet pictures??
OM - is there some sort of intervention needed here?
Surely there's a twelve step program somewhere on that island for this kind of nonsense.
Ha, we wouldn't have you any other way. Don't you suddenly turn kindhearted and sweet talking on us now. We like your spit and vinegar.
Who needs resolutions anyway.
Crystal xx
Well done you for keeping your new years resolution! I myself have lost 10 lbs since New Years Day. I plan on looking positively wasted away (with bee stings for breasts) by bikini time!
I like that thought, it's a good thought.
A woman with principles!
Casdok: It's hard being bad, but practice does make perfect
The mother of this lot: Nice to see you here - glad you're enjoying it.
Molly Gras: ..yes - but what?
Sweet Irene: No fear - I tried sweet talking once and half the grass in the garden died.
CJ: Why, indeed?
Dulwich Mum: There are times when having consistently low expectations of yourself pays dividends.
f-i-t-field: Hurrah! Stay with the thought.
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