Friday 31 August 2007

Rubbing salt in it

Francis is supposed to be absorbing brand profiles when his phone rings and Posh Headhunter, whose love affair with Francis was less a one-night stand that a five minute wonder, bounces on to the line.

"HI!!!" she squeaks, in a voice radiating such an exhausting mixture of joy, delight,surprise and warmth that Francis contemplates having a short lie-down underneath his desk. "LONGTIMENOSPEAK!!"

That the fact they've not spoken is due entirely to her having failed to return a single one of Francis' calls appears to have escaped her notice.

"Anyway," she continues, abandoning the capital letters in favour of something less exhausting. "I'm not ringing with a job offer."

She makes it sound like the best news going. "Well, thank goodness for that," says Francis.

"The thing is," she says. "I'm actually trying to get hold of Derek. I believe you used to work with him. The thing is, we've got this really exciting opportunity in advanced adhesives, and I think it would suit him down to the ground. He's obviously a very dedicated man. He sent us this amazingly passionate e-mail. Wow! Was I impressed!"

The upshot is that she can't get through to him. Would Francis, she wonders, be able to ring him at home and pass on a message to get in touch with her ASAP?

"I can't tell you what a pleasure that would be," says Francis, with absolute truth.

9 comments:

Irene said...

I have just fallen into your blog, coming to you by way of Around my Kitchen Table. I have to say I like your gutsy style of writing. I am a little confused about the cast of characters, but hopefully everything will be sorted out after I keep reading you for a while and read some of your older posts. It has been fun so far. I'll be seein'ya!

Omega Mum said...

Sweet Irene: Are you by any chance named after one of the Mapp and Lucia characters? I rather take it that you are. Thanks for falling in here. Francis is unemployed husband. Derek is former, rather smug colleague, headhunters are self-explanatory. Bad Lindy and Vicky tend to speak for themselves.Often.

Irene said...

Actually, I used to be married to a man called Sweet, therefor my name.

Thank you for explaining the cast of characters to me. It helps!

Omega Mum said...

My pleasure, Sweet I, and thanks for unravelling your name mystery.

Stay at home dad said...

I used to get a lot of those sorts of calls. Usually it was excitable headhunter types asking if there was anyone I cold recomend for various jobs, or what the current lineup at my firm was. At first I thought it was a subtle way to get to me, then I realized it was an unsubtle way to get to other people.

Omega Mum said...

SAHD: I can only assume they've been re-engineered to have every nerve removed from their bodies.

debio said...

Their approach is exhausting, don't you think?; either they don't return calls - or not with anything helpful - or they are speaking like adolescents on 'fast-forward'.

Wonder how long it takes to develop this technique?

Anonymous said...

What a cheek! I do hope she didn't manage to get in touch with him!

Crystal xx

Omega Mum said...

CJ: I'm afraid she probably has....But see stay at home dad for further enlightenment - apparently it's really common