Learning the lingo: communicating in headhunterese

Francis' ex-colleague is having another go at making Francis fit for purpose, with the second in his 'how to get the job you actually want' series.

The colleague has been for an interview with a large company that makes things that stick (of the adhesive, rather than rumour variety, as I understand it).

The fact that he's been recommended for the job by Francis appears to have no bearing on his keenness to demonstrate to Francis just how candidate headhunter relationships should be tackled.

Francis has headed off to his new office to try the job out for size (worn at the edges, too short in the self-esteem department, no allowance for growth) and forwards his e-mail to me, with only a couple of dozen exclamation marks by way of comment.

'Dear Skipper' it begins - did I mention he refers to Francis as 'Skipper'. I put it down to the dead albatross he will carry around, although it's beginning to smell.

'Just a few typos but thought you might enjoy post-tele-con interview follow up e-mail'

'Dear Derek,

'Hi. Wow. Good to talk with you. Exciting. I look forward to meeting both yourself and Greg. (Careful, chuck, you don't want to peak too early).

'How does my experience sound? (Phwoaarrr....)

'4 years working in adhesive tapes (He says nothing about the five years it took him to unstick his way out again).

'Both experience sets with demonstrable brand building experience (Well, of course it does. You what?)

'Successful 3 retailer full range acquisition of full DIY tapes range (Oh, those old 3-retailer acquisitions. Bad Lindy's done lots - often all at the same time).

He finishes by highlighting some of his key qualities which he lists as Passion, dedication & an interest in Stationery.

I phone Francis, who sounds guarded but not actively miserable.

"Is this seriously what you need to say to get a really good job?"

"I don't know," says Francis, "But if it is, no wonder I've ended up here."