Friday 21 December 2007

Well Met

We're about to leave to stay with Francis' parents and preparations are, in their decidedly disorganised way, proceeding apace, albeit at a snail's apace.

Things aren't helped when I'm driven into. I've just obeyed one rule one of suburban motoring lore, which dictates that in slow-moving traffic, you should always let in the first car queuing to turn left from a side turning but only a) if you like the look of the driver and b) they make a bit of effort to win you over - a smile, an imploring look or hard cash will all make a difference.

This time the car behind the one I let in appears not to like my interpretation of the rules and drives straight out and into the bumper, like a dodgem car.

I pull in. The other car follows. In it is a cosy looking elderly couple, obviously married. He is jovial looking with a large red nose and a benign expression. She is small and neat, wearing a smart dark jacket with gilt buttons.

"What did you do, exactly?" I ask the man. He shrugs. "Don't know, really. I'm not sure how it happened. I don't think there's any damage, though."

"I think we'd better swap details," I say. "Just in case. Who's your insurer?"

"I'm with the Met," he says.

"The Met?" I ask, stupidly, wondering why I've never heard of this exciting, new name in the wacky world of big finance and monthly premiums and hoping that Michael Winner won't pop up to endorse it.

"Yeah. The Met."

The nice wife now helpfully pulls down her blind. "Metropolitan Police," it says, in large letters.

"And do you have a warrant?"

"Yup. Here's my mobile phone number. Get your husband to call me later if he thinks there's a problem." I note the time, his registration number, the road name and we part company.

There are times in my life I've been glad that I've exercised restraint. Now is definitely one of those moments. There may be a right time and place for road rage but this isn't it. Unfortunately, it doesn't last. Dying to tell Francis about all, I wait till he gets home and say, perhaps not thinking the words through for long enough beforehand, "Francis, you just need to check over the car. Somebody drove into me from a side turning today and -"

"JESUS CHRIST!" says Francis, who has obviously had a bad day at the office, with too much HO HO HO and too few sales orders, "NOT AGAIN. You just don't realise how much all these excess payments add up."

Feeling a tad aggrieved to be interrupted midway through a cracking story and, furthermore, accused of telepathically inciting cars to drive into mine, I snap my lips shut.

"Did you get their details at least?"

"No," I lie, and carry on typing, cartoon style, fingers jackhammering keys at random.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

14 comments:

Potty Mummy said...

Oh god. They ARE all the same, aren't they? (Husbands, I mean...)

Casdok said...

Happy Christmas to you all!

Omega Mum said...

Potty mummy: They start off young and different and they end up bald and the same. I may be generalising a tad, but that's broadly the truth.

Casdok: And you. God knows you've earned it.

debio said...

If it's any consolation, om, I read the whole story and not once did I think about the excess....

Hope you have a lovely Christmas!

DJ Kirkby said...

Lol, men... what are they like?!

Motheratlarge said...

Oh no. Sorry to hear this. The man sounds like Rudolph's second cousin, the one they bring out only for really easy deliveries, the stuff younger reindeers would turn their (red) noses up at.

I do hope the red nose/dodgy driving didn't mean he'd been at the sherry - I mean for goodness' sake! Do today's reindeers not know to wait until Christmas eve before guzzling the hard stuff?

Have a lovely Christmas, Omega Mum. Hope you get some lovely presents and the chance to relax and put your feet up.

Anonymous said...

Eeee, never a dull moment in your household! Have a wonderful Christmas and the best!

Crystal xx

dulwichmum said...

Happy Christmas super chum.

Gwen said...

MEN!!! I will never understand them. I hope you have a lovely Christmas and all the best for 2008

Tunbridge Wells Dad said...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from Dulwich Dad!

Tunbridge Wells Dad said...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from Dulwich Dad!

molly gras said...

Umm, OM, I just purchased two rather industrial-sized, smash-proof margarita glasses (complete with mixing kit) -- perfect for traveling.

Monaco is calling,dearie!

;)

Unknown said...

HA HA. Do did you tell him?

Omega Mum said...

Debio: It's a huge consolation- thank you.

DJK: Like each other, seems to be the gist of it

M@L: Thank you for lovely sentiments. And I am sure it was Rudolf's younger brother- what a brilliantly inspired idea

CJ: Am hoping for dull, fully employed 2008, if I'm hoping at all.

DM: To you, too. After all, you were the first person to comment on my blog and it meant a lot to me.

Gwen: Next year I'm going to take Francis' back off, tinker about with the controls and then reset him. Hopefully I can offer further explanation then.

DD: Thank you - and the same to you, too.

Molly G: Packing now but glass all over the luggage - sorry. Have to nip out to the shops again.

Snuffles: I did and he was predictably cool about the whole thing.