The government is at it again. Not only must pregnant women not drink, at all, but they're not allowed in the sun any more, either. Presumably in case they melt. What next, do you suppose?
Coming soon. Pregnant mothers must not laugh, in case uncontrolled guffaws send dangerously high frequency vibrations straight through Baby's vital organs.
Pregnant mothers must not dance, in case they're crap at it, thus sending the government's new Bop Manifesto spiralling into disuse before it's even been launched.
Pregnant mothers must not.... Oh, do anything, really. In fact, why don't we just cover them all with a cloth for nine months, like parrots, passing nutritionally balanced food through the bars at government-approved intervals. And for heaven's sake, don't try to cheer them up by singing, 'The sun has got his hat on,' or you'll be executed.
Meanwhile 70-year old artist and inveterate smoker David Hockney says that people 'should start standing up for themselves.' Ever tried being pregnant, Hockers? Give it go, then try that sentence again when you've finished.
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26 comments:
Best not get pregnant at all really! Leave it to the men to come up with some alternative means of perpetuating the species - and see how fast they run!
I vote David Hockney for next PM. And Bad Lindy for social engineering....
Must not go in sun, must not touch alcohol, must eat healthy balanced diet at all times - but at no time is a pregnant woman allowed to show any sign of stress. Go figure that one out!
Yes, I dare say the world has gone completely mad! I wonder sometimes whether the government have nothing in their 'in-tray' hence their need to think of something to do. Crystal x
Have been lurking, but have to out myself to say that you say it so well!!!
Older people have a more measured attitide to pregnancy.
I was at a wedding with a 2-year old child plus a massive belly containing second child, and I was swigging a glass of champagne.
"Good for you," said an old chap, "a bit of bubbly won't do you any harm."
Very sweet, I thought.
It amazes me how many people who have never been pregnant, who don't even HAVE a uterus, can give expert opinions on how one should behave during and after (thank you Mr. Cruise) pregnancy.
Bullocks!
IB: We'd be extinct within minutes.
Debio: Hear, hear
M@L: And just when you give birth and think the finger-wagging is over, you hit the parenting manuals
CJ: I wouldn't mind, but would you pay good money for people to nag you - which is effectively what we're doing with our taxes?
Jeanie: Welcome. So glad you're enjoying it.
Beta Mum: I imagine he was locked up shortly after the conversation for subversive talk, but he sounds lovely
Lady M: I imagine that the first primitive grunts by a man were to tell his woman not to get too close to the campfire in case the baby got too warm. And there was no way that stupid wheel idea of hers would ever take off, either.
I have many a friend who consumed the odd glass of vino while pregnant and their offspring didn't turn into zombies (or whatever it is that the government are scared of happening). You are so right. Soon if you are pregnant you will be confined to your bed for 9 months, not allowed to move and fed through a tube. Maybe you could set Bad Lindy on the government - that would take their minds off giving the rest of the country grief.
Gwen: I think a terrified electorate is a pliant electorate. Bad Lindy would love a whole government of her own. It would keep her busy for months.
rofl!
During my pregnancy I made a point of firmly telling my midwife that if I wanted to eat a pate sandwich, I would eat a pate sandwich (because it's guaranteed that the minute I'm told I can't eat something, I develop an all-encompassing desire to eat that item).
I did eat the odd pate sandwich (and some Brie and some soft whippy icecream from the icecream van - gasp!)
I am aware of the possible dangers inherent in eating such things, I weighed it up and decided I still wanted to eat the sandwich/icecream.
I now advise any HVs and midwives who are particularly concerned by what women do in pregnancy to look away now...
Of far more concern to me than limiting my consumption of tuna was a craving for the smell of creosote, paint thinners and petrol, which could be alleviated somewhat (but not entirely) by glugging down Indian Tonic Water.
I also wanted to eat carrots fresh from the soil (they *do* taste different) complete with remnants of soil (toxoplasmosis here I come...)
Resultant baby was a very hale and healthy 9lb.
Loved this. It's all part of the take no risks rubbish. I drank moderately but persisitently when i was pregnant with my two many years and ago and they turned out superintelligent and beautiful although I say it myself.
I am the jam making accountant with the schizophrenic life - mostly welsh hills and gardens and mud and chutney with weekly attack of suitwearing and competing with hard eyed sharp suited young men with rolexes. jam would be seen as a sign of weakness.
Dotty Spots & Elizabethm: Nice to see your and glad your babies turned out so wonderful. Elizabeth - glad you explained men with Rolexes. Now I understand your jam dilemma.
As I've said elsewhere, pregnancy is a doddle. You should try cellulitis. That will definitely shut your old " childbirth is the worst pain blah blah " up. Only lasts a few hours for God's sake.
Kev
Kev: I'm sensing here that you're in one of the caring professions. Possibly a midwife? Am I right?
When I was pregnant with my last baby, I was told not to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk.
I had a one year old, a three year old, and a four year old at home that apparently I was just supposed to ignore for nine months...
Brillig: Unsurprising - except why the gallon business? Who went to the trouble of weighing it, do you suppose?
Perhaps we heading back to the days of 'confinement' for those ladies who are with child?
I am surprised the human race has survived, given that until recently, there was none of this absolutely vital advice ...
M&M: Have you noticed that there's been a noticeable absence of surveys asking mothers just how they feel with this deluge of information? I wonder why....
I was so lucky to have a doctor(female of course) tell me to live my life as I would otherwise..and I did!
I keep feeling all those nice doctors are taken off for re-education, though, don't you, ms.l?
In the States, everyone is taught that alcohol during pregnancy is absolutely forbidden. Not a drop. I was actually surprised when I moved to the UK and learned that it's acceptable for pregnant women to have the occasional drink.
This no-drinking-during-pregnancy thing is so ingrained in my head that I sometimes have nightmares that I've just found out that I'm pregnant and fear that the beer I had last week has damaged my unborn baby.
So where do they stand on the sun, Katie. Are you allowed out in it at all?
In addition to cellulitis you might also want to try leprosy, rabies and necrotizing fascitis, for comparative purposes.
Toodle pip.
Stay at H.D. Well, great minds think alike - I've had such a busy - though intensely painful - day. Bunny reflux, frankly. (Does that work - probably not?)
God, I want to knee all of these pregnancy nazis in the nuts (most of them are male, I presume)!
My lovely lady gynae was delighted to hear of my pending week following the athlete to Tuscany where he was training for a big race, and prescribed me a glass (read: one glass) of house red every evening.
(Ohhh... that's why the little sweetheart has a kink in his left ear.)
Mea culpa, obv. :-p
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