Thursday, 14 June 2007

Big in the City

Today's good news is that even if Francis doesn't get a job, there's no reason why his bits shouldn't start earning their keep.

Another lovely cyberspace well-wisher and Megadik enthusiast who has obviously heard of our plight sends me an e-mail. Confusingly, it's addressed to Fred - just to spare my blushes, I suppose.

"I've some good news for you!" it says. God knows, we could do with some.

"I suggest you buy this marvelous item. Take it and your penis will work the whole night! I've tried it and my Ann was on the cloud 9!"

Of course she was. If she owned the thing in the first place she was probably just glad to see the back of it, and must in any case be delighted by the extra money all that work is bringing in.

I have just two queries. The first: what sort of work does he have in mind? From my experience of the male member, it would have to be something that involved lots of lolling around followed by a short burst of intense activity. Perhaps some sort of night-time surveillance?

And what exactly is 'This marvellous item' ? Presumably it's a very small adapted car, like one of those Richard Scary banana cars - I suppose transport wouldn't be provided.

So if you see unattended male members wearing bowler hats and bustling self-importantly off to the nearest station as dusk falls, or getting into suggestively shaped cars, don't panic. They've taken their owner's future into their own hands and are off to be something big in the City, just doing their bit for the family budget.

I text Francis, who is off to see a headhunter about some shaving cream, to tell him the news. Strangely, he doesn't reply.

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On another, altogether more tasteful note:

For an insight into life in the tartan lane, look no further than Mother at Large's blog. She's generously hosting some postings from New Town Mother, whose refreshing look on huntin', shootin', fishin', child raisin' and investment bankin', Scottish style, is well worth the trip over.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

We could do with some extra help on the farm come to think of it. Perhaps I should get some for hubby's bits.

Motheratlarge said...

Definitely one for Bad Lindy, I'd say, Omega Mum. Thanks for the mention - you are an absolute star. MaL x

Omega Mum said...

CJ: I don't know if they're up to driving a tractor unaided, but it would definitely be worth a go

M@L: It's a pleasure - and nice to bring a bit of class to the blog.

Brillig said...

"Strangely, he doesn't reply." HAHAHAHAHA

Omega Mum said...

Brillig: There are times I feel I've not quite got the hang of this communicating in marriage lark.

Anonymous said...

Communication in marriage is highly overrated. Especially when trying to make sense of the bits. I bit hit and miss, in fact. ~groan~

Mutterings and Meanderings said...

How can you tell the difference between the ones in bowler hats and those getting into suggestively shaped cars, and the real merchant bankers ...

debio said...

I don't know what else these 'members' could do - some of them are not even good at what they're supposed to be good at; and they always send erroneous messages to the brain!

dulwichmum said...

Dear Omega mum,

Please promise to tell bad Lindy about it - I can't wait!

Anonymous said...

I have some information -the device n question is primarily intended for homosexuals.. I have one -Purchased in erRor -it is barely used,perhaps you would like to borrow it?

Anonymous said...

Hello Mother!
I've followed your fascinating example, and started my own blog, starring Katie, and my failing agility ways, and no doubt how school will ultimately ruin everything.
Charming, is it not?
x A.

Omega Mum said...

Orchedia: You are so right

M&M: You can't - but as soon as I find a way, I'll tell you.

Debio: Also so right

Mutley: Thank heavens for some honest to goodness advice. Yes, please, I'll be in touch

Dog & a computer. You know exactly what I think. I'll talk to you tomorrow morning.

Anonymous said...

Makes Wicked Willy sound positively pedestrian.

Kev

Around My Kitchen Table said...

Don't you just love those emails with their fractured English? I never open them but often have a giggle at the subject line. I had one yesterday that said, Please Treat As Almost Urgent. ALMOST urgent? That's a bit like being almost pregnant! I love your blog and have, at last, added you to my links.

Omega Mum said...

Kev: Wicked Willy? A mere amateur. How's the cellulite, dear?

Around the kitchen table: Thanks so much. Nice to see you here.

Stay at home dad said...

Does the item involve a pumping action Mutley?

Anonymous said...

O M : Cellulitis you deaf old bat.

Kev

Omega Mum said...

Kev: What's the odd 'itis' between friends? (Oops - have just looked it up. See what you mean). Those vibes are just crackling between us in cyberspace, aren't they? The hairs on my ear trumpet are standing on end.