Francis suddenly starts sneezing and cannot stop. It's a late onset allergic reaction. "Hay fever," he says miserably.
I'm not so sure. I think over-exposure to head hunters may be the trigger, exacerbated by the high seasonal superlative count in the recruitment ads.
"Consummate professional," I say to him. "Results-oriented."
He sneezes more each time. There's no help for it. From now on, he's going to have to attend all interviews in an isolation suit, including ear protectors.
Just in the nick of time, I have identified another exciting career opportunity for him. I come across this ad somewhere in the further reaches of cyberspace:
'WHAT IS PET LOSS COUNSELING?
'Pet bereavement counseling is individualized to meet each client's needs. Every counselor has a different approach. We use talk therapy to identify, and help you cope with, the emotional stages of grief. You may learn how to deal with insensitive individuals who trivialize your grief, a pet's terminal illness, and the difficult decision of euthanasia. We use healing tools, such a journal, planning your pet's final arrangements or funeral, and your spiritual beliefs.'
'Talk therapy' would presumably refer to the revolutionary art of speaking to somebody.
What with Bad Lindy's distinctly casual approach to dead animals (she was born to trivialise grief, and if there's ever a national 'Week of the Insensitive Individual' I suspect she'd be top choice for mascot) there's got to be a suppurating mass of undealt-with grief just waiting for Francis and his shiny case of healing tools.
"I'm not talking to people about their stupid hamsters," he says. Oh, dear. I greatly fear that Francis, too, may need to sharpen up that talk therapy before he can be let loose on a mourning public.
I go up very close to him. "Customer-facing. Strong people and networking skills," I hiss, meanly. His eyes start to stream. "You see," I say. "You should think about it."
I wonder if there's a way of combining pet loss counselling with Megadik?
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14 comments:
I was just ahead of you on the 'talk therapy' phrase! What are these people on?
I think I shall use this soundbite when I next have something important to say to my daughter - at least it will start with a laugh...!
It's amazing, isn't it? Pay cash for the blindingly obvious on a stick.
Oh, but Megadikloss-counselling has been the thing for years, didn't you and Francis know?
Go for it I say - there's a whole world of bereaved men just waiting out there for soothing words. (And the right potions, presumably.)
A growth market if ever I heard of one!
A growth market, indeed, IB. Can hardly wait to grab a slice of it. No, wait, that's pizza.....
Minidik counselling sounds like the way to go - when Megadik doesn't work and Minidik is the result.
Also re previous posts, he would make millions if he could invent something which would stop spamming for good.
It would make such a good T shirt, too, though would prob have to be pre-shrunk material.......
Time's a great healer, but in the meantime try Megadik. There's some shocking things going on in the world of cyberspace. I suspect some vulnerable mourners will take them up on it though.
Well, if Francis does get a job as a pet bereavement counsellor, I for one would hire him to help my kids come to terms with the horror of their mother flushing their dead goldfish down the loo. I thought they might find the watery grave a poetic cyclical symbol of returning to the Big Goldfish Bowl in the Sky. But no. Apparently I have denied them the healing experience of a decent burial. I have also deprived the neighbour's cat of a tasty snack.
Crystal Jigsaw - you are so right. I think I'm going to have to find out how well this firm is doing - much better than by rights they should.
Drunk Mummy - At least you thought about it before you did it. What more could the children expect. (I did feel sorry for the cat, though).
Think they'll hire me from out here on Vancouver Island? I can say whatever needs to be heard. I'm that good.
(Found you by way of Wolfgrrrl. Funny blog!)
Hi, Tai - glad you dropped in. We're building an army here. You're welcome to join it. I'm just not quite sure what we're fighting yet.
I could do this.
How do you fancy a business partner in 'Megadick Pet Loss Counselling?'
As he already has the tears flowing, I think he would have a real headstart! Go for it.
Thanks LM for the encouragement and, yes, Ingsoc - do. As we say in the Magadik world, it could be massive.
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