When domestic disaster strikes, I always turn to the internet. Does it help me resolve my crises? Does it, hell. However, the amount of joy derived from inbibing the words of wisdom consigned with such care to the internet by a bunch of anal retentive twazzocks always takes my mind off them.
Recent snippets include:
'Five ways to kitchen design happiness
1. Face into the room when cooking. Cooking is sociable.
(Omega Mum's tip: Once you've learned to rotate your head 180 degrees while flash frying steak, remember that the resulting third degree burns will also provide a useful talking point when other conversational topics fail)
2. Ensure you can load the lower shelf of a dishwasher without bending.
(Tip: Growing to a height of no more than six inches is the key here. That, or ready access to trained mice)
3. Place appliances intelligently
(Tip: The novelty value of attaching your washer dryer to the ceiling, however amusing, wears off sooner than you might suppose)
4. Place tables in a spot with a view
(Tip: The Bristol Channel always works well, but don't forget to swim back to land in time to stop the potatoes boiling dry)
5. Reflect the householder's personality
(Tip: A feature pile of empty vodka bottles and unpaid bills does it for us)
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14 comments:
LOL! That's so funny!
I find cooking facing the wall and a pint of wine is the most conducive for me, personally.
An english mum: Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for visiting.
SAHD: So that's how you spell conducive - how extraordinary that earlier today I was wondering whether it was a 'c' or 's' (in the middle, obviously) and there you are with your huge vocabulary and the answer. Pint of wine - yes, please.
Tip 2, well how about washing by hand...isnt that what we have children for? Please tell me we have children for a purpose besides self induced stress!? Please?
Tip 5, we do have a rather large and well stocked wine rack in our dining room...see tip 1 for further detail...
I wonder how you find time for cooking Ms Omega.. I would make the kids do it if I were you and bugger off down the pub.
Mutley: I did until social services told me that three year olds and deep fat fryers just don't mix. Must have read the wrong parenting manual again.
Hm, I tried once to display my appliances intelligently. I failed. Every time I now want to use the toaster I have to move kettle and juicer.
Are you still designing your kitchen, omega mum? Thought you'd completed that a few weeks ago? Or are you so bowled over by all these helpful hints that you don't know where to start....?
DJ: Sounds to me like you should be writing the kitchen guides - I could understand yours
Nunhead mum of one: Well, you're way ahead of me. I didn't even understand what they were talking about.
Debio: Each week, I spend £50,000 on my kitchen. Unfortunately, it's still in my head.....
Very funny! I love the one about letting the kitchen reflect your personality! Mine is obviously owned by a completely disorganised alcoholic with no housewifely skills and a penchant for garlic, strong coffee and fresh fruit.
around my kitchen table: We could be twins....
Yes, I too always find patronising statements of the bleeding obvious have the effect of plunging me yet further into domestic disarray. And yet there must be a demand for these banalities somewhere. Depressing.
M@L: I think we should make it our mission to seek out the people who say 'You know I found that tip really useful' and then beat them to death with a Lakeland catalogue.
If my kitchen is a reflection of my personality, I worry about myself a lot. No appliance is tastefully displayed and all things are just shoved in places where there is room for them, it being such a small kitchen. Does that mean I have a small mind filled with clutter? It is clean clutter, however, because a dirty mind etc...
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