Monday 8 October 2007

How mellow is your fruitfulness?

At the penultimate Harvest Festival rehearsal, the electronic keyboard breaks down, and instead of producing the stylish accompaniment to 'All things bright and beautiful' that I'd recorded, fuses it with the thumping drum beat from the next song, turning it into a heavy rock number.

We start again, this time accompanied by my uncertain piano playing which goes from full chords to a single note dribble as I stumble over the four flats in the key signature.

At the end of the rehearsal there is a dead silence. Then the head gets out her pen and slashes a line through two of the songs and about a third of the verses from the others. We now have a minimalist harvest festival, which will speed from 'We plough the fields and scatter' to the blessing in about five minutes.

If only I’d stuck to a cosy career in the cut-throat world of commerce where even if your customers hated you and your presentation, you could still be absolutely certain that they would never ask you to set it to music and accompany them, omitting verses 2 and 5.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

We have our Havest Festival next week, all parents etc invited. Amy can't stand the noise! I usually sit at the back and watch her with her hands over her ears.

Crystal xx

Motheratlarge said...

Then there are the poor doormice that fall prey to the combine harvesters. Tricky time of year, really. Powerpoint presentations with hymns could be the next big thing in the City. There could be whole departments dedicated to producing soundtracks for executives. The really high-powered pitches might have a live floor show, while more ordinary ones would have something on an i-Pod. Sorry to talk such nonsense. Still readjusting to reality after hols.

Omega Mum said...

CJ: Amy has the right idea. Wish she was at ours

M@L: You're back!! Way hay!!

lady macleod said...

Just think of the problems the Celts must have had!

Iota said...

"All things B and B" as a heavy rock number. Sounds great.

Harvest Festival is hugely problematic, isn't it? I mean, what do you give thanks for if the weather has been rubbish and the harvest has totally failed? And most children these days don't have a clue that food grows in the ground, so making them sing "we plough the fields" is a bit far from reality. It's all very uncomfortable, and I think a heavy rock beat is just what it needs.

Mya said...

'We Plough the Fields And Scatter' - what a cracking hymn, even with drums. I remember we always used to be asked to donate food for the harvest festivals, and my mother, bless her, would pack me off with some obscure tin of smoked oysters or out of code lemon curd (or anything else she knew she wouldn't be able to convince her own family to eat.) Happy days.

Mya x

Anonymous said...

You should learn to play a real organ Ms Omega...

Anonymous said...

At my children's school all we have to do is take in a can of beans - preferably in date - to contribute to the stomach problems of local pensioners.

Anonymous said...

The nursery have instructed each child to bring in a "donation or two" for the boxes of goodies they're putting together for the local residential care home....Mac's choice was one can of dog food ("everyone has a dog mummy" and, because he couldn't quite face parting with his Bob the Builder spaghetti, will be taking in a tin of the hated baked beans.

Omega Mum said...

Lady M: I can't even begin to imagine it. But at least they didn't have 'All things bright and beautiful.' Possibly 'All things dour and dreadful' (actually, I think that might be a better hymn)

Iota: Wanna be part of my congregation?

Mya: Scary thing is what happens to us when we're old and all the children are encouraged to poison the harvest festival food because there are so many of us that we're sucking the country dry of resources.

Oh, Mutley - do you happen to know of one, by any chance? Would obviously have to be massive.....

Beta: I should think they're thrilled with the baked beans. Now they're all about to get the freedom of our national buses, they'll be able to ensure that nobody under 65 ever wants to use public transport again.

Nunhead Mum: Dog food and baked beans plus Mya's smoked oysters.....Warn the plumbers! Dinner round at mine later.