Leo's teachers greet me like fellow mourners at a funeral. "Ah, Leo's mother," they say, clasping my hand. There's the flash of quiet recognition that we are sufferers together, made strong through adversity, struggling against the odds. They look earnestly into my eyes as if, through study, they will be able to see into my soul and discover through what mutational fluke I happened to come up with Leo.
They try so hard. "He's not a bad boy," they say. "There's no malice in him," "He does try to lie but, bless him, he has no guile."
After an hour and a half I know what Leo is not. It's harder, though, to discern what he is and, more importantly, what he will be, and nobody really knows. Together, we search for clues.
"Was he always like this or has he.....er......taken a dip recently?"
"....and you've presumably heard the same thing from the other teachers?"
"....it's the organisation that's such a problem - he got a day out of sync and turned up with Tuesday's textbooks on Monday.'
"....and why does he always have to be the one to break his pen and get ink all over himself?"
Sorrowfully, I write down my e-mail address, like a visitor signing a book of condolence. Sorrowfully, they take it. We agree that they will contact me if the lies increase, the homework diminishes, the ink blots spread like a virus through his exercise books.
And then I go home to have a very, very large drink and light a fire with the newspaper cutting announcing that middle class drinking is on a far larger scale than anticipated and that we should be afraid. Very, very afraid.
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19 comments:
You know, teachers make me cranky (and I happen to be one, well, sorta).
Just know, Leo'll grow up to be a fantastic guy -- in spite of all their contrary efforts.
So, drink away, sister, drink away.
He's obviously destined for great things - boring people get nowhere. Just save all these stories for when he's very famous - hopefully not infamous!
Molly Gras: Oh, thank you. I really need a bit of bolstering.
Expatmum: Thank you, too. I am so very grateful.
Cranky is one word!!
What are they like!
Yes he will be fantastic! :)
Oh it brings it all back - the tyranny of having to remember what day it is and where you are supposed to be and never having the right books or equipment. And how all that was disproportionately important (my teachers seemed all to have OCD tendencies, is it part of the job spec?). Poor poor Leo! I agree with Expatmum, he's in good company. Honestly, he won't need to be able to use a fountain pen or remember his protractor to rule the free world or whatever else his heart desires. He might want to work on the lying though, that does come in handy.
Thinking of you OM - once Leo finds the right niche I'm sure he will fly.
Casdok: Great morale boost. Even quite good and moderately happy would do me!
Jaywalker: you are so right about the lying - look round at our politicians and it seems to be the ones who lie most fluently (and even believe themselves) who do best.
Potty Mummy: ...I hope so, but am worried he won't look where he's going and crash straight into the nearest window...
Lying elegantly - will help him land that suberb first acting stint.
Crashing into things - will suit him well when he offers to do his own stunts.
Cheers to you both :)
Molly gras: Honestly, you're so lovely. I'm beginning to think that little kitties 'n' blue sky 'n' flowers stuff may just be for real in blogland after all. Thank you so much. Better than wine - and that's saying something.
Poor Leo, getting caught at lies and being blotchy from ink spots. He will have to improve his performance a bit if he is going to make something of himself in the real world.
Is he having any inclination to becoming a world leader or a president of a very large international company? If that is the case, he needs to learn to get along with his ink pens a lot better than he is now.
I assume that his lying will improve with age and practice. He is still young now and maybe too easily intimidated. He needs to learn to stand his ground and believe in himself. Have him practice a lot at home.
Sweet I: I am interested that everybody seems to think that the lying is the thing he should be...Those tips are useful. Thanks, Sweet I.
Lying, not doing homework and getting ink everywhere? This sounds like a normal boy to me. I think it's our education system that's gone barmy. Far too restrictive and inflexible to respond to the gifts of each individual child.
My 7 year old son is about a year ahead in all school topics - not because he is a genius (although that is always a possibility of course), but because he started school a year earlier in Scotland than they do in the US, where they then believe in a nice gentle start for a year or two. But he has a particular problem with handwriting. So I suggested to his teacher that maybe he could drop his 5 daily minutes of waste-of-time homework (addition and subtraction up to 10 - I think, actually he could do this in nursery 3 years ago), and do 5 daily minutes of extra handwriting practice. I wouldn't be using your comments box for a vent if she had said "oh what a good idea, yes, get him to do that", would I?
'Caring imaginative mother who produces witty writing on daily basis' versus 'ability to organise homework and not splat ink'. Hm. I know which one wins in my book of Life Headstarts.
Lying is just another way of organising reality. Like getting your homework done on the right day. But it's for the advanced reality-organiser.
Sorry, I've gone on far too long.
Iota: I guess it would be normal but for the official diagnosis of ADHD and the fact that he is more of everything bad than the others, which is upsetting. And all this for a few exams at 16. You've got to wonder.
Stuff them! Who are these people to be so patronising and awful? I bet he's a lovely boy. If this is how they treat people, I'm not surprised the poor lad has had to resort to fibbing. Faced with these henchpeople I'd be tempted to do the same - and I definitely would have done when Leo's age. He'll be fine. Try not to worry. Easy to say, I know. But he's got you looking out for him - so I'm sure he really will be okay.
M@L: I am awfully torn because I have first hand experience of teaching a range of children, some easier than others, so I know how difficult boys like Leo can be. But it's horrible....
Omega Mum, you know Leo can get 'an education' at any time in his life, it's so much more available now.
He's being ingenious and inventive and is probably so much more clever than the others that he's getting bored. The school needs to find how to pull his strings, not the other way around.
I always got covered in ink, still do!
finthefield: ooh, you are nice. feeling gradually better.
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