Two letters arrive for Francis from the insurers. One confirms that his car is worth less than a Northern Rock share; the other expresses mild surprise that he has declined to insure anything with them ever again.
Belatedly, I check consumer review websites and discover that there are two types of comment about the insurer. The first sort praise its charm, low costs and ease of contact when policies are first taken out. The second all complain bitterly of the firm's intransigence, small payouts and capacity for spreading misery round the world when claims are being processed.
"We should have looked at these before we took out the policy," I say to Francis. But he is too busy slipping a letter about a parking fine under his other post to answer.
I don't like to tell him that I can spot a penalty fine envelope at fifty paces and that he's hopeless at concealing things. The reason I don't like to tell him is, naturally, so I can store up the information and surprise him with it when he next complains about the phone bill which - judging by the other post - is scheduled to happen about an hour from now.
Marriage is a war but one where, if you're lucky, you achieve a stand-off early on and spend the rest of your years trying to upgrade your weapons to achieve tactical superiority. His parking fine, my phone bill. Thank God he wasn't killed in that crash. Forget Nintendo games to boost brain power. Sharpening your wits on your husband instead definitely does it for me.
I check my e-mail spam. "Basic Craps," the first is headed. So, so right, honey. But worth it. As far as Francis and parking tickets are concerned, you can hide, but you can't run.
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11 comments:
Theres a party at mine if your free and want to put off owning up to the phone bill for a bit longer! Bring a bottle.
Casdok: Can you see me? I'm the one in the darkness shaking my booty. Sorry, I'll have to stop. It seems to have come off.....
When a maniac driver wrote off my car (and nearly me and baby daughter too), I was carless for a month. During this month, my insurance company kept ringing up to ask if I'd had time to consider their renewal quote and whether I was going to be renewing my policy with them. I kept having to explain that (a) I didn't have a car and (b) I was amazed that they wanted to have me as a client as I was obviously going to be quite expensive to them. Eventually, I got fed up, and put on a tearful voice, and said could they please, please stop ringing me up and reminding me of that dreadful day in A&E, and using the words "baby daughter" quite a lot. That seemed to work.
I'm off to tell my husband that being married to me is the finest opportunity he has for honing his wit. I think he'll like that.
Stored information is always useful for future reference, and I am reliably informed by my children that I have the memory of an elephant...I never forget.
Now if they were to tell me I had the weight or the figure of an elephant, then that would be truly war....
Iota: I find it just slightly odd that you have to use a teary voice to get them to stop doing it in the first place. And did your husband react with joy and delight? Am still a little distraught that you're now posting in late night UK time but am adjusting, just in time for you to go back to plan 1 with wake up surpise posts. Sorry. V drunk.
Crazy Cath: Your children are giving you compliments? Oh, my God. I'll have to link you to my blog.
I used to run up a huge phone bill for calling my daughter in the States all the time, who was in dire straights and needed a Mom's shoulder to cry on.
Luckily, this phase in her life is over and now our phone bill is normal again. Much to my relief also, because we can't spare the money. Even when we have enough of it, we don't seem to have enough of it. Or, as my husband puts it, there is too much month at the end of the paycheck.
Ah - the war of oneupmanship...
I've spent the whole weekend, it seems, being in the wrong place at the wrong time; I arrive at tennis, on time, husband arrives late, yet it is my fault that I cannot complete match cos I have to leave, on time, to take daughter to hairdresser. While she's there I have to shop - nothing to eat otherwise - husband moans cos this is the weekend and I should be free - disregarding the fact that he's worked every saturday this year...but my fault for not asking and just assuming.
But - who's fault was it that we had our power cut off yesterday morning?? Ha, ha - had to laugh - bill not paid; and this wasn't my fault! Am storing this one up and making it into hand grenades which I shall lob delicately into the conversation, probably next weekend when I'm scheduled to make afternoon tea for an arab family but am running over with doing an oil change on the car.....
Sweet I: Love your husband's comment. So very, very try. And funny.
Debio: Let it out, girl. You know you need to.
Marriage is a war but one where, if you're lucky, you achieve a stand-off early on and spend the rest of your years trying to upgrade your weapons to achieve tactical superiority.
I love you! (And I almost choked on my glass of cab.)
Orchidea: And I love you, too. Glad it raised a laugh.
Sarah: Thanks for your recommendation about that fab
website 'subconscious minds'. I was interested to see that your blog is called 'subsconscious mind,' too - could they by some chance be related?
I'm so sorry. My name is Tina & I work in an insurance company.
I might start a support group for the people that we've wronged, but it would be easier on the logistics to find ones we haven't.
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