Monday, 30 July 2007

Baden Powell mon amour

We owe you, Baden-Powell, big time. Thanks to the Scouting movement centenary, we've been able to park all three of our offspring at camp. The older two are away for a week; Deborah for just one night. But it's time enough for the two of us to achieve a togetherness that isn't normally possible.

We take in a couple of exhibitions, drink vintage champagne in the garden and talk of every topic under the sun.

Then, this morning, we fulfill one of my dreams. We make up a breakfast tray - freshly squeezed orange juice, croissants and an enormous cafetiere of Fair Trade Arabica, medium roast - and go back to bed where we take it in turns to read to each other. Francis enjoys extracts from 'The Yacoubian Building' - a brilliantly observed study of the different forces at work in contemporary Egyptian society - while I thrill to 'Goldfinger', Francis' all-time Bond favourite, chosen to mark its re-release this week.

Well, it would have been nice.

The reality? We open several bottles of Rioja and discuss tax credits and the drawbacks of Ritalin to the gentle accompaniment of hinges falling from malnourished and under WD40'd kitchen units, while, outside, overflowing gutters rain duckweed and moss down the walls.

Next morning, we discover we've run out of coffee, orange juice and croissants and return to bed with black tea and hangovers. I read Francis our latest rave reviews from our latest utility bills ("Must close soon!" "Will become enormous!" ) and he shares the exciting news from the pension company that if we play our cards right and eat nothing but boiled pasta after retirement, it could take well over a year before we starve to death on the projected income our funds are likely to generate.

Then the doorbell rings. It's the plumber, bright and early, come to check whether the base of the loo really is swaying alarmingly when I sit on it, or if I'm a tragic victim of drink-related Wobbling all over the Place syndrome.

Well, it's a start. And next year, Deborah will be able to camp for THREE WHOLE DAYS. In that time, and with just a little bit of luck, I reckon Francis and I should be able to work our way through some more classic reading material: the complete Explanatory Notes of the 2007 - 2008 Tax Return, complete with corrections, for example. And if we book our home delivery now, we might even remember to order some croissants.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Reality does intrude does it not? Maybe we should not aim for excessive fantasies but accept a less ambitious success. Shred the tax return and tell them to f**k themselves...

Omega Mum said...

I see a viral marketing campaign coming on, Mutley. Let's have blogger's tax revolt. PS This is the first time I've ever seen the words 'does it not?' in anything you've written. I find it strangely attractive.

I Beatrice said...

Your ingenuity never ceases to astonish me! I do love your quirky, original 'take' on everything. And this latest piece of yours adds to the rather surprisingly good press Baden Powell has been receiving just lately. I mean, if both Prince William and Ian Hislop have taken him up, he can't be all blankets and toggles and silly campfire ditties, can he?

And on the note of your monetary problems - well, take it from me, your kids will before you know it be all grown up and out there supporting you! OK, it involves being patted on the head and patronised now and then - but one can stand that, if it means holidaying in Tuscan villas, and receiving (as we did last night) magnificent stainless steel fridge-freezers, big as battleships, that have become de trop in the trendy flats of prosperous sons...

And oh, what a handsome young Pole, came along with it for the purposes of delivery!

His advent was timely - as we had just been watching a news item on the dire shortage of builders in Poland. The English builder who came with him said that the exodus of able-bodied men from Poland has meant that there are lots of lonely young ladies in Cracow and Gdansk - so he's thinking of taking himself across there to work, as a sort of quid pro quo...

Omega Mum said...

IB: What a lovely and generous comment. Perhaps we ought to put together a 'best of' comments book. Really enjoyed this - especially the exciting news about grown up sons offloading their freezers. I can take the patronage. And as for handsome young Poles - Bad Lindy is single-handedly blocking the ports to ensure they don't leave again.

Anonymous said...

Put aside the utility bill for a moment in favour of more riveting reading. You've read this or similar articles in various broadsheets, I presume?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,2134187,00.html

I think it's all quite wonderful... (and so are you!).

Omega Mum said...

Orchidea: I'll go and have a look. And thank you for nice comment. Sentiments entirely reciprocated.

I Beatrice said...

I'd send Bad Lindy our magnificent Tomek of last night, if only I thought she'd be gentle with him - and I hadn't anyway taken a considerable fancy to him myself!

He had the bluest eyes you ever saw - and lifted that vast fridge as if it were a baby.

Omega Mum said...

IB: Phwoarr - as Bad L. would put it. Never mind her - send him here, please. And he doesn't have to carry anything.......

Motheratlarge said...

Glad you mention tax returns. Always a subject to gladden the heart. My 15-month old daughter has taken it upon herself to look after mine this year. We won't be submitting anything, not just yet, anyway. But she's kept very busy while I visit the blogosphere leafing through statements of interest, accountants' letters and the aforementioned explanatory notes. Why I bother to buy her toys I do not know.

Omega Mum said...

M@L: if she works out the explanatory notes for the current year, would you mind sending her round?

Motheratlarge said...

Omega Mum, Orchidea, I can't find anything at that url address.... would you mind repeating it?

Omega Mum said...

M@L: Have asked Orchidea to resend or maybe give topic reference so hope to update later.

The Good Woman said...

Hmmm planned romance never quite works out right does it. Think how many engagement rings get swallowed with the champagne each year and thank your stars that you've only got bills to contend with....well, trying to look on the bright side.

Omega Mum said...

the good woman: swallowing the engagement ring...Hmmm. Now that would be bad - unless it was a very expensive ring and you didn't much like the sight of your prospective husband.

Brillig said...

Hahaha. i love the bit about the plummer, who needs to see if it's just a drunken stupor making you think that your toilet wobbles. Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Just get the croissants anyway. At least you will starve to death knowing your final bait was something you enjoyed. Tax forms should be banned. They brought tax credits forward this year, again.

Omega Mum said...

Brillig: It was a genuine toilet wobble. I was rather pleased.

CJ: You're absolutely right. And we might go mad and have a pain au choc while we're about it.

dulwichmum said...

Real life stinks. I like fantasy much more.

Omega Mum said...

DM: This is unlike your normal upbeat comment. Are you OK? Just how stinky are things over in your part of blogland?

Stay at home dad said...

You're right OM, I, Beatrice's comment was magnificent; I even thought at one point she was about to offer you money!

As for scout camp, it was certainly educational...

Omega Mum said...

SAHD: I'm rather hoping to be adopted by one of her sons. Or by the giant fridge. I'm not fussy.

Anonymous said...

Newbie visiting from Dulwichmum.
You have a great perspective.
Cheers

Anonymous said...

Newbie visiting from Dulwichmum - yes, you do have a great perspective.
Cheers