Go to work on a flute, says Megadik

You've got to hand it to Megadik. What an organisation for keeping its finger on the national, throbbing pulse.

As the Proms start and concert goers flock to the Albert Hall, surging climaxes a speciality on Wagner nights, Megadik is hard on their heels, a scary notion if ever there was one.

A few weeks ago they were promising the world a piano in every pill. Then their e-mails died away to almost nothing. Now, the summer push is on, with waves of communication to my inbox building with a emotional urgency redolent of late Romanticism at its best - all Sturm und Drang and no trousers.

Some might suggest that it's homage to Sir Edward Elgar. Others might, with justification, tell me to try getting out more.

The message, though, is clear. Piano shaped parts are so last season. Megadik customers are voting, though not necessarily with their feet.

So, instead, the company has broadened its musical remit.

Their message is simple. 'Take Megadik and get a bigger flute," is their latest promise. But why stop there? Oboe envy is probably rife amongst woodwind players.

And for those people worried that they might be blowing their own trumpet - and that's probably something Megadik regulars can do in their sleep, though let's hope not - they've also started circulating testimonials.

I don't know about you, but, "Sometimes the effect is still noticeable the next morning! I've even tried a third of a pill once (I didn't split it very well) and I still felt the desired effect," is incredibly convincing, though very slightly lessened by discovering that its author is one Samantha Bledsoe of Apalachin, NY.

But my mind's made up. Francis is definitely getting a bassoon for his birthday. I know he'll get a lot of fun out of it. One way or the other.