Toady of Toad Hall

Former colleague Jim has taken on the role of unofficial job coach. He starts by rating each job that Francis is applying for. Then takes to ringing for a post-interview debrief. Francis is somewhat baffled. "Obviously I'm grateful," he lies."It's just that he's starting to make me feel nervous."

Things take a turn for the worse when Jim decides that Francis' follow-up strategy needs a bit of a helping hand.

After every interview, Francis always sends a few words of thanks, opting for a tone that he hopes conveys dignity over desperation, and manly gratitude over grovelling. But Jim isn't happy with Francis' efforts:

"The problem, old son, is that you're just not sounding keen enough. Here," he says. "Use this. Always works a treat for me."

Francis reads out Jim's effort:

'Dear Chap
'I have just returned from our meeting and wanted to thank your for your attention & hospitality; and to express confirmed interest in working within your team. I enjoyed meeting with you again, and taking you through the outline of how we could approach your business.
'I was interested to hear of your plans - it's certainly an exciting initiative.The opportunities to work on your brands are compelling, and offer interesting and exciting challenges that play to my strengths. I would be delighted if I were to be appointed to the role and would look forward to working with you, both on a professional and personal basis.

'I look forward to hearing how you wish to progress.

'Best regards

'Francis'

"What do you think?" asks Francis. After several seconds of mature consideration, I stick two fingers down my throat and make a gagging noise.

"Any interviewer with my mature emotional response will feel the same," I assure Francis. "And remember, retching is nature's failsafe way of spotting a toady."

"I suppose so," says Francis."It's just that the toadies seem to do fantastically well."